The one who made me whole

I guess it’s been a year….a year without the one I planned to grow old with; a year without the one I wanted to create so many more memories with; a year since I’ve kissed those lips and felt the touch of her hand; a year since I called my house a home; a year since I was excited to get home; a year since my heart was whole; a year without my best friend; a year since our playful flirting while we brushed our teeth; a year without that giggle in my life; a year since I was truly comforted; a year without the one who I always knew as long as we had each other, everything would be okay.

I would do anything to hit rewind, or even fast forward right now.  This year of play, feels more like pause.  Im thankful for everyone in my life, each one of you have gone that extra mile for me in some way, at some time.  I often find myself daydreaming the what if…what if Lyndsey never got sick.  Where would we be today.  How great life would have been…how happy.  It’s crazy the little things you miss, all our inside jokes…nobody to understand or share them with.  They’re  now times I find enjoyment, they are only temporary and fade quickly.  I know they’ll come more often and last longer. However, at times I don’t want them to.  It’s a weird battle and seems wrong to be happy sometimes. I know it sounds silly and is difficult to explain.  I just miss her.

The loneliness has only mildly faded.  It seems weird, even kind of wrong to think about…now it has become a scare of mine, seems so rare to find what we had.  Is it possible to come along a second time…the journey is long.  However, it did ease my mind a little when I picked a quote from a basket at the end of a recent counselling session.  It said, “when you send out real love, real love will return to you.”  It really made me think, I have a long road of healing yet to come…I believe it was a message from her, Lyndsey is watching over.  She has this way of connecting or reconnecting me with the right people when I need it the most.  Lyndsey connected me to this song days after the quote:

Lyndsey – You have sure touched many lives in your short time.  You are in the heart and on the minds of so many on a daily basis.  So many people looked, and continue to look up to you.  An exemplary model.  You found the perfect balance which is difficult to explain, a type of driven kindness.  Something people work their entire lives to achieve, and never do.  I think it stemmed from your love of life.  Ever since I first met you, you managed to make every part of my life that much better.  And everyone else’s that you were in.  I’ve shed a lifetime of tears and experienced the heart ache only the unfortunate few will understand.  I would trade positions in a heartbeat.  There are still days I feel completely lost without you, a feeling of fog from within.  It’s only by habit I put one foot in front of the other…still exhausted.

You sure passed on a beautiful soul to our son.  Sawyer caught me grieving the other day….he asked if I wanted to come watch Paw Patrol with him, that it will make me happy.  I did.  His cuddles were exactly what I needed.  He’s such an amazing, gentle and caring person.  I feel so incredibly bad he has to go through this.  Grow up with only stories of you.  It’s difficult to put into words how incredible you were.  You were a natural mother and couldn’t get enough of him.  His road is also long.  He’s got the most amazing heart and I truly believe you shaped it.  He occasionally draws you a picture now and then.  He holds it up for mommy to see.  I sure hope you can.  It’s so hard to watch, but beautiful at the same time.  He’s got the same calming presence as you.  And a smart little cookie.  I want to talk to you so bad.  We miss you so so much.  I love you xoxo

Much love, Chad



Still in shock

No idea what I’m doing, but neither did Lyndsey. A friend of hers told me she wanted me to keep her blog going. I had super mixed feelings. I’m not the greatest at sharing mine and felt like it was a lot of pressure. I always thought I should do some kind of final blog post to honor her, but to continue it? Then, last night a friend of mine told me I should write a blog post. For some reason it stuck. I got up this morning and just started writing. If its what Lyndsey wanted, then here I am. From the cuff.

I’ve recently found out what it’s like to hit rock bottom, alone. I’ve never felt so lonely in my entire life. I’m off all medication now, I don’t think it was for me. Plus it’s normal to grieve, wouldn’t be if I didn’t. I’ve been speaking with a counselor and I think it helps, a lot. I’ve used distractions to not let myself go into this dark place they call grief. But the counselor says I need to go there in order to pick myself up again and not drag it on forever. So I’m trying to dedicate specific times for Lyndsey. I’m trying to write to her, it’s just hard to see the paper sometimes…

I have learnt a lot over the past few months. Maybe some of my feelings are similar to the way Lyndsey was feeling when we knew the reality, but continued to pray for a miracle. Which makes sense, she started a blog “learning to love”. It is exactly what I’m now trying to do. Not doing very well, but I’m trying. The fun in life is completely gone. I try hard to distract myself, with my amazing friends. I legit call any of them up and they are here for as long as I need. Had too many late nights with good friends that had to work the next day. Means more to me than you know. I’ve got my Sawyer, that seems to be the only thing that puts a true smile on my face. But I’m tired, and struggle raising him alone. My family has been amazing in that department, not sure what I would do without them. I am completely exhausted, no matter how much I sleep. I miss my energy, I have none.

It feels super awkward sharing and just talking about myself. But if you take anything away from this at all, please don’t take your partner for granted. It’s coming from someone that had the one, and lost it. It’s not like I can even be angry because of something or a reason for things falling apart. They never would have, we had that true love. In it until the end. We get caught up in the stresses of everyday life. We spend the majority of our time working, getting ahead. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is part of life. I enjoy the finer things in life like all the rest and will continue to do so. But, it’s not the most important part. The person you choose to spend the rest of your life with is. Lyndsey and I had something really special. We told each other all the time how much we loved each other. I never questioned that. But now that she’s gone, it still doesn’t feel like I said it enough, or showed her enough. She was incredible. Show your loved ones. Put away that pride or whatever it is that prevents you from fully opening up. When they’re gone, they’re gone. She would have sold everything and moved to an island with me. As long as we were together, things were good. She sent me this once.

A boat was docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village. A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

"Not very long" they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?"

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City!!! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?"

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" asked the Mexicans.

And the moral of this story is:

Know where you're going in life, you may already be there! Many times in life, money is not everything.

“Live your life before life becomes lifeless”

Lately I’ve been battling with the saying it will be worth it in the end. I don’t feel like Lyndsey had an end. I always thought that meant when you grow old. Life was not fair to her, especially someone as amazing as her. It was way too soon. I can honestly say she had no faults. I still find random things at times that I feel was left for me. I even found a note she wrote for me, things she wanted me to know when she was gone. God that’s hard to say. That note means so much to me. I have no idea what I believe in, and going through all this didn’t help. But, there has been multiple signs that continue. Some seem to be too big of a coincidence. Some are jaw dropping and give people goose bumps when I share. Who knows. I was going through photos on the iPad the other day and found this screenshot she took. I feel like she did these things for me, knowing.

Winnie the pooh

I miss and love her so much, my heart physically hurts.  I don’t know how often I will do this, or if it’s even worth it.  Im just figuring out how this site works today, but found a draft post in here called “letter to my friends”.  I will post it in the days to come, because obviously it was meant for all of you.

Much love, Chad

A long overdue update my friends:

Hello! It has truly been way too long since I have written a post and shared with you all.  I have sat down many times to write this post and others, but I have had a hard time expressing myself in words.

Since my initial diagnosis I have focused on staying positive, believing in myself and my body, along with making sure that I am surrounded by love and light.  These are the parts of the journey that this blog is based on and that I love to share.  Over the last few months it has been harder for me to stay in this mindset, harder for me to quiet my mind and much harder to accept what was happening to my body and my spirit.  These feelings are also much harder for me to share.

At my last update with you I had stopped the oral chemotherapy (Xeloda) and was looking into all the options available to me.  My CT scan at the time showed significant growth in the liver, lungs and lymphatic system, even while on the oral chemotherapy so they stopped the Xeloda.  They were offering me another chemotherapy combination but in my heart and my head, I knew that I was not strong enough to do it.  I needed to hit reset both physically and mentally.  At this point it felt like nothing conventional was going to work.

I focused on my natural treatments and dove right into researching different clinical trials that may be better suited for me than another round of chemotherapy.  We ended up sending all my scans and bloodwork back down to the Mayo Clinic and chose to participate in a trial through the Side Out Foundation.   Here they take a biopsy of a solid tumor (in my case it was the liver) and do a bunch of genomic testing on it to see if any genetic variants or mutations appeared that they could target with different drugs.  We liked that there was no commitment to have to start one of the chosen therapies so it was a good starting place for us.  It would give us more information about the cancer and hopefully point us in a direction for some more targeted treatments.

Fast forward to the trip to Arizona.  I had to stop taking all my pain medicine (I was using cannabis oil and Naproxen) 5 days before the biopsy as they didn’t want my blood being too thin.  I had been on both of these for quite some time so stopping them threw me a big curve ball.  It was the first time I realized how bad things had gotten.  By the time we made it to Arizona I was in so much pain, my breathing was very laboured and I had a horrible cough.  After seeing the doctor they did a CT scan right away to rule out a blood clot in my lungs from the flight down.  They did all the necessary bloodwork for the biopsy, gave me some pain medicine that unfortunatley didn’t touch my pain and I was supposed to go in for the procedure the next day.

We made it back to the Mayo the following day to meet with the doctor and found out that my bloodwork was really poor and my liver was showing signs of failing.   Normally I would not even qualify for the trial based on these results but they had talked to the study leaders and decided they would go ahead if the doctor and I wanted to proceed.  This news combined with how I was feeling made the decision not to do the trial easier.  I wanted so badly to participate but my body was clearly saying it had had enough.   After talking to the doctor about the bloodwork and CT results we came to the conclusion that I needed to come home and get started on chemotherapy again right away.  My options were to either do the chemo or do nothing and treat the symptoms as they appear.  I had been focusing solely on alternative treatments for about 6 weeks and things had progressed drastically so keeping on that route was frightening.  I knew at that precise moment that I had to keep fighting.  I was not ready to say it was over.

Once the decision was made I was able to start back on my pain medicine right away and was feeling much better within 6 hours of doing so.  I even got to enjoy the sun and the pool a little bit before we headed home.




After coming home we met with my oncologist right away.  My bloodwork was continuing to deteriorate but I was determined to get started on treatment right away.  This was the hardest appointment we have had to go through yet.  My doctor went though all the Palliative Home care information with us, the Goals of Care Designation and all the conversations that you never want to have with your doctor and your husband at 30 years old.  I feel like this quote from another woman living with Stage IV Breast Cancer says how I was feeling really well:

Screen Shot 2015-11-13 at 8.46.48 PM

The goal this time around would be to regain some control over the cancer and hopefully shrink it back so that I would qualify for future trials.  I was am still am ready.

And finally………..TODAY.  I have done 3 rounds of the new chemotherapy which is a combinations of two agents: Carboplatin and Gemcitabine.  I am on a modified schedule due to side effects and blood counts but I get my treatment every 2 weeks.  The side effects have not been pleasant but each treatment has been better than the last as we have been able to adjust my anti-nasuea medicine each time and some of my IV fluids through my naturopathic doctor.  My alternative treatments are continuing and they include High dose Vitamin C, Artsenate, Mistletoe and localized hyperthermia 3x with each treatment.  My diet and juicing have suffered as I have been unable to eat much over the last few months.  I basically have to eat whatever I can to start putting some weight back on and get some nutrition.  When I feel good this is easier but when I feel terrible Mexi Fries and Cheerios seem to be the best option :).

I am slowly coming out of this place of sorrow and fear.  Your kind words in emails, the mail and visits have re-ignighted my spark.  Although my side effects keep me from doing a whole heck of a lot right now, I feel the love, energy and light around me more than ever.  I feel like I am ready again for whatever this Cancer has in store for me.  I am just not ready to let it take over.

And FINALLY some good news in all of this.  My last bloodwork showed that my liver function has drastically improved.  I get scanned again next week which will give us a better idea of whether or not the chemo is working.  The greatest motivation to move forward and continue pushing through treatment is how I feel.  My pain is 75% better than it was before, my cough has almost disappeared and I can no longer feel my swollen liver.  Our fingers, toes and hairs are crossed for some good news next week and I will be sure to keep you posted with an update (much sooner than this one).

Lots of love,


Learning to…..TRUST

Hello friends.  I wrote this post yesterday while driving through the Rocky Mountains.  I am oh so very excited to be spending the next 10 days surrounded by the beautiful mountains, trees and family.  10 days to sit in the mountains, clear my head and hopefully get some insight on some treatment decisions that I am struggling with.

Looking outside the window, I am amazed at the ability of Mother Nature.  I remember when these fires happened along Highway 93.  I was younger and my parents would take my brother, sister and I to Panorama on our annual summer holiday.  I have always thought the drive through this area was breathtaking and the trip out after the fires was no different.  Still breathtaking, our first drive through was a bit more dark and dreary.  With burnt mountainsides and no trees as far as you could see, you couldn’t help but feel sad and maybe a bit angry.

Today as I am driving, I see hope.  I see small trees, shrubs and flowers peeking through the ground brush that has grown up over the years.  The forest is repairing the damage caused by these fires and starting over.  Just like I am.

The last 6 weeks or so has been hard.  Hard physically, mentally and emotionally. Living for today has been difficult as I was not happy with today.  I have been feeling angry, alone and so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired all the time.  I was starting to not trust the process or my body to help me through this difficult journey.  NOT TODAY!

As I said before, NOT TODAY!  Today I feel hopeful.  Hopeful that healing, rebuilding and repairing my body is possible.  I am much smaller than these vast mountain sides.  I have not been completely destroyed by this disease as they were by these fires.  Mother nature is fascinating, powerful and healing.  She turns tragedy into something beautiful.  I will too.

I look forward to making this drive year after year with my family and teach Sawyer as my parents taught me.  I look forward to seeing this beautiful mountainside all re-grown over the next 20-30 years.  But most of all, I look forward to today.  I trust that I will be guided to the right decision for me and my body and I trust that I will allow myself to make the right decisions for me during this transition in my treatment plan.

Lots of LOVE,

Lyndsey Watt

*  I will do another full health update once we have sorted through everything and receive all the information we need to process where I am right now.  For now I can share that I have stopped the oral chemotherapy that I was on and am looking into all natural and western options available to us.  

Hello Friends…..

It has been a crazy few weeks in our house so I thought for this weeks post I would just give everyone a quick update.  We now have a 2 YEAR OLD, so there have been lots of parties, presents and laughter going on at our house.


In the midst of parties and fun I had my first followup CT scan and there were no big changes which is great news!!  One stable scan and now we are hoping for some shrinkage!  I have started all of the alternative treatments that I am going to be on at this time and for the most part I am feeling awesome.

What is next?  We are heading to BC next week for a little holiday, some Crystal Bed therapy and then my first full body hyperthermia treatment!!  A lot of people have been asking so I will be sure to let you know how it goes.  I will have another scan at the beginning of August to see how we are doing.  Fingers and toes all crossed!

On a personal level I am still focusing my meditations and “me time” on forgiveness.  Both of myself and others.  I hope to feel more at peace throughout this month with everything that I have been working on.  I am looking forward to lots of mini family holidays over the next 3 weeks (Panorama, Salt Spring & Murray Lake all before the end of the month) and then an August/September filled with relaxation and LOVE.

Thank you for all your messages, comments and LOVE over the past couple months.  If you have emailed me and not heard back yet, I promise I have read it and am in the process of getting back to you.  I am still working on being a bit more organized 🙂  The generosity and support that we are receiving daily still blows my mind.  THANK YOU.

Stay tuned for a look at some photos done over the past year with Jayme at The Paper Deer Photography, another May Cause Miracles update and then a health update in August!

Lots of LOVE,



May Cause Miracles Update #2

Learning to FORGIVE…..if you are new to my blog check out the May Cause Miracles project here

I have been having some energy treatments and Reiki done recently and both my throat chakra and my heart centre chakra have been cold.  I am told that this means the energy is not flowing through these chakras easily  and there may be some blocks to break through in order to get the energy moving.  It has sparked some pretty in depth conversations about the healing powers of energy work and how it could benefit my physical health by dealing with issues of forgiveness. This tied right into what I was currently working on in May Cause Miracles.

I have read a lot about radical remissions, where the survivor attributes their healing to different energy work and I am currently reading about the John of God who has healed many people through different spiritual practices.  This is a part of this journey that intrigues me and there is a lot to learn.  The importance of the mind-body connection becomes more and more apparent daily and the miracles that are occurring because I am paying attention to myself make it an exciting learning experience.

Miracles are natural.  When they do not occur, something has gone wrong.

Gabrielle Bernstein talking about "A Course in Miracles" in her "May Cause Miracles" book.

Over the past few months I have been really focusing on positive self talk and immediate forgiveness of myself for small setbacks or actions that are not in line with my current mindset.  I was given an exercise by my councillor to actively pay attention to my thoughts and if I was thinking something about myself that I would not say out loud to my best friend, then I needed to stop.  The mind is so powerful that your thoughts can be detrimental to your health.  Some recent examples of this would be: In the past I would have gotten really stressed out and maybe even quit this project because I am not on track with Gabrielle Bernstein in her book May Cause Miracles.  Heck, I should be almost done!  Instead, I am telling myself that it is okay to be doing it at my own pace because it is getting done and I am taking the necessary time needed for me and each lesson.  Not every day goes as planned, especially with a toddler lol.  Another example would be going out for ice cream with friends the other night and enjoying every last bite without feeling guilty even though I definitly should not be eating ice cream.

Since practicing immediate self forgiveness I have noticed less stress, less worrying about what others may think and overall more of a calm feeling.  I am more at peace with my decisions and I am enjoying the little things a bit more.  It is these little miracles that keep me motivated to continue on this journey.

What I have been struggling with while working through the last couple of weeks is forgiveness of events or actions of the past.  Both forgiving myself and forgiving others for these things is proving to be difficult.  TOO MUCH LIVING IN THE PAST!  I got stuck on Day 5 of “May Cause Miracles” for a long time as I didn’t know what to write in the letter to myself.  I didn’t know how to put into words what I wanted to forgive myself for.  It’s hard to put your raw, unfiltered feelings out there as it is not something we do everyday, or ever for some people.  Even though I knew no one would read it, I felt embarrassed.  Embarrassed for things that happened 5, 10, even 20 years ago!!  Once I finally sat down to write the letter, I had more to write than expected and it was a very freeing experience.  I would highly recommend trying it if you need a fresh start.

From this exercise I learnt or at least confirmed the following about myself:

  • I am WAY too hard on myself for decisions I have made in the past.  I now am working on forgiving myself and being thankful for these lessons as I would not be where I am today without having made these decisions.
  • I am creating unnecessary stress in my current life by worrying about what others think or about how others feel about me.
  • I am truly lucky to be where I am today because I have a great life 🙂
  • It is way too easy to get stuck in the past or worry about the future.  My biggest lesson so far from May Cause Miracles is to live for today.

Screen Shot 2015-06-22 at 4.05.20 PM

Who have you forgiven lately?  Or do you have any tools that you find help you let go of the past?

Lots of LOVE,


I am forever GRATEFUL for YOU…..

I have learnt what LOVE feels like from strangers & it’s 
Today will be a good day xo

Over the past few weeks friends, family and strangers have been donating their time, money and LOVE so we can actively pursue alternative treatments that are not covered by health care or benefits.

We are forever grateful.

It is an indescribable feeling to have so much LOVE poured over you.  Standing in a room like I was on June 5th, filled with people who are cheering for me inside was an experience like no other.  I felt a lot of hope, joy and positivity in that room, which made me grateful to be a part of something filled with that sort of energy.  Here is a short clip of the evening that was made by Tony.


A big thank you to my aunt Barb Richardson the guys at Classic Events Group for the event “Vibe in the Sky” and the Go Fund Me page that was created (PS – thanks Ryan for our UNI Chillwear, we love them!).  The event was fun and classic, with a view like no other.  THANK YOU!  A big thank you also to all the entertainment, you guys were amazing.

Paco Belero | Electric Jazz – Guitar, Vocals, Sax (Peter Fischer)
Denis Dufresne | Renowned Violinist & ACMA Board Member
Pete Wilde | DJ & Producer
Max Sindrome | DJ
Sammy Jean | Vocals & Keyboard
Kyle Rothbauer | Fiddle

I thought that along with my THANK YOU, I would give you a little overview of where the funds will go and what I am currently doing for treatments.

* IV Vitamin C, Artesunate and Mistletoe treatments (2x/week)
* B12 injections weekly
* Full Body Hyperthermia in Langly, BC (monthly to start)
* Supplements Recommended by my Integrative Oncologist in Calgary.  These are based on my diagnosis, blood-work and the genetic testing that I had completed recently (the list is long, 30+ pills daily!).
* Daily Juicing (30+ ounces a day from fresh organic green veggies)
* Travel to and from appointments in Calgary, Edmonton and Langly.
* Drugs and tests not covered under benefits.
* Yoga and Meditation work

People have also donated their time & services offering me energy healing, photography, prayer groups, Reiki treatments, and fitness classes.

I am currently doing all of the above combined with a low dose oral chemotherapy and bone medicine.  I have a great medical oncologist and integrative oncologist working with me.  My family and I are continuing to do research on other treatments available, should I need to adjust anything in the future.

I get asked a lot about trials, travelling out of country to Mexico or Germany, and about seeking opinions from one of the big cancer clinics in the US.  We have looked into all these options, so I thought I would share with you where we are at.  I have a Oncologist that we have visited at the Mayo Clinic, who still consults with us over the phone when needed.  She is excellent.  We have met with the University of Alberta regarding clinical trials and that door is open should we need it later on.  We have looked into clinics in both Mexico and Germany.  At this point in time, our integrative oncologist is utilizing alternative therapies that they do a lot of in these other countries (mistletoe, hyperthermia, high does Vitamin therapy, low dose chemotherapy etc.) and we are wanting to give them a good try before looking further with these clinics.

I have been in awe since the beginning of this journey on the generosity of people.  We have received meals, groceries, flowers, money, cards, hugs, prayers and visits from family, old friends, new friends and even strangers.  I often look at my stack of cards (yes I have kept every last one) and think about how lucky I am to have the support of so many.  How lucky my family is and how truly blessed we all are to have such a strong, thoughtful and loving support group.

Again, I can’t thank you all enough for your support, generosity and LOVE over the past year, month, week or day.  I get surprised by something daily and am forever grateful to all of you who bring that extra joy into our lives on a regular basis.

We LOVE you.





ROAD Trip 2015…..

May 24th 2015.
9:00am: Kat, Lyndsey, Miss A. and Sawyer set out on a 1,170km drive from Red Deer, Alberta to Salt Spring Island, British Columbia.

If you would have told me 5, 10 or 15 years ago that Katherine and I would be doing a 3 day road trip with 2 kids, no candy, a playlist full of sing-along songs and a car full of green juice & healthy snacks……

I would have laughed and called you crazy.

But, not only did we do it, we had a blast!  With one epic attack by a bird, a minor car issue and ONLY one major meltdown, we made it to Salt Spring and back to Alberta all in one piece.

A BIG thank you goes out to my favourite Katherine and Miss. A. for inviting Sawyer and I along on your road trip to your new home.  We could not have come without your help!  Thank you for keeping us laughing everyday, feeding us all the time and for putting up with a lot of “NO WAYS” from Sawyer.

Your new home is amazing and your new island is full of exciting new memories.  We look forward to many trips out to visit you and although we are so sad to see you go, we look forward to the many adventures we are going to have with you when we see you again (and again….and again…..and again)!

I will lets the photos and video do most the talking today.

Today I am grateful for everything in this video:







I hope everyone is having a great week!  You will be hearing lots from me over the next week or two, so stay tuned 🙂

Lyndsey Watt


Sawyer & Me: Our Gardening project

I am VERY excited for warmer weather and days spent outside.  Being outside is so refreshing, calming and healing.  Think fresh air, vitamin D, calm minds and GROWING YOUR OWN FOOD!

Last summer my husband, dad and brother in law built me three raised garden boxes using untreated 4×4’s.  This has been way easier for me than having one large garden which I had for the years prior.  I am finding it easier to plant, I have better soil and it is easier to manage.  Here are some before and after pictures from last year:

Lyndseys picture

Last year Sawyer was young enough that he had no interest in my garden.  I didn’t have to worry about my plants and his little toddler hands.  This year…….it’s a different story.

How do I keep my veggies in the ground?
How do I keep him from stomping in my garden?
How do I keep my plants from drowning ?
Will I get 5 minutes of peace in my garden?

Here is my solution:image



Sawyers very own garden!  Complete with a mud pie table, water buckets, shovels, trucks, rocks and more.  We even planted him some carrots, a strawberry bush, some succulents and some grass.

I am super excited to watch him explore, dig and get messy this summer.  And as an added benefit he will learn a little bit about where his food actually comes from!

Oh and yes, I also hope this keeps his little hands out of my boxes.  Wish me luck!!

Here is a list of what I am growing this year:

Red and Yellow Potatoes
Yellow Onions
Green Beans (Purple ones too)
Golden Beets
Orange Peppers
Roma Tomatoes

What’s in your garden this year?  Or if you don’t have one, what would you love to grow?


May Cause Miracles: Week #1

I’m the one who said there were no rules right?

Well my friends, I spent 7 days on Day #1!!!  Apparently witnessing my fears was harder than expected.

First off let’s focus on what I LOVED about my first week.

  • The process of trying to figure out my fears and witness my thoughts, feelings and reactions made me really have to dig deep.  I had to think about WHY I was feeling or thinking a certain way and I had to look at what my reactions were to different situations.  It was an eye opener for me to realize how out of touch I can be with myself on any given day.
  • The affirmation:

I am willing to witness my fear.

I found this super powerful.  Every time I read it or said it to myself, I felt like I was recommitting to ME.  I am still using this affirmation on a daily basis as I find it super empowering.  Putting alarms in your phone is a GREAT idea!  And it works!


Now let’s talk about what I STRUGGLED with during my first week.

  • Paying close attention to my thoughts and reactions throughout the day and taking note of them.  I found it difficult to focus on this task for the whole day.  I kept struggling to remember certain things about my day or how I was feeling.  One of my normal struggles is finishing what I start.  I am great at starting a project, but not so great at finishing it.  Actually the more I think about it, maybe there is an underlying fear here that I am ignoring 🙂
  • Being honest with myself about where certain feelings were coming from.  Digging deeper can bring things up that have been buried for a really long time and been buried for a reason.
  • Prioritizing time for ME.  I think this is a major problem for a lot of people.  I know for myself, I want to make sure everything and everyone is taken care of before me.  Sometimes when that is over, I want to sit and stare at nothing for a few minutes.  Although this sitting and staring at nothing time could be used for meditation, journaling etc. It would be better to do these activities without being mentally and physically exhausted.

    So in response to my lack of focus this week I have given myself ONE rule:

For the next few weeks I MUST schedule TWO sessions of ME TIME into my week.   This will allow me to stay on a lesson for more than one day if needed and it will give me an achievable goal to work towards.  I am hoping that I end up doing much more than twice a week as I get more focused and less frazzled but this is an attainable goal to start with.

There will always be a million things on the go and even more so right now.  Between spending time with my family and friends, doctors appointments, juicing, researching different treatment options and taking a closer look at myself spiritually and emotionally, I tend to over commit myself.  So now I am planning a super fun road trip to Salt Spring Island with my son, my best friend and her daughter.  We leave Sunday!!  I am going to relax, take life in and enjoy every moment of it while continuing my May Cause Miracles journey!

Stay tuned for a look into our Road Trip when we return!!

Here is a quick look at the upcoming blog posts you can expect:

  • Sawyer & Moms Garden Project.
  • Sneak Peek of our 2015 Road Trip.
  • May Cause Miracles: Week #2 Update.
  • Fundraising Information and where the funds are going.
  • My Treatment Plan.

If you are starting your Course of Miracles journey with me I would love to hear from you about your first week!  How did it go?  Any successes, struggles, things you loved?