Hello friends. I wrote this post yesterday while driving through the Rocky Mountains. I am oh so very excited to be spending the next 10 days surrounded by the beautiful mountains, trees and family. 10 days to sit in the mountains, clear my head and hopefully get some insight on some treatment decisions that I am struggling with.
Looking outside the window, I am amazed at the ability of Mother Nature. I remember when these fires happened along Highway 93. I was younger and my parents would take my brother, sister and I to Panorama on our annual summer holiday. I have always thought the drive through this area was breathtaking and the trip out after the fires was no different. Still breathtaking, our first drive through was a bit more dark and dreary. With burnt mountainsides and no trees as far as you could see, you couldn’t help but feel sad and maybe a bit angry.
Today as I am driving, I see hope. I see small trees, shrubs and flowers peeking through the ground brush that has grown up over the years. The forest is repairing the damage caused by these fires and starting over. Just like I am.
The last 6 weeks or so has been hard. Hard physically, mentally and emotionally. Living for today has been difficult as I was not happy with today. I have been feeling angry, alone and so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired all the time. I was starting to not trust the process or my body to help me through this difficult journey. NOT TODAY!
As I said before, NOT TODAY! Today I feel hopeful. Hopeful that healing, rebuilding and repairing my body is possible. I am much smaller than these vast mountain sides. I have not been completely destroyed by this disease as they were by these fires. Mother nature is fascinating, powerful and healing. She turns tragedy into something beautiful. I will too.
I look forward to making this drive year after year with my family and teach Sawyer as my parents taught me. I look forward to seeing this beautiful mountainside all re-grown over the next 20-30 years. But most of all, I look forward to today. I trust that I will be guided to the right decision for me and my body and I trust that I will allow myself to make the right decisions for me during this transition in my treatment plan.
Lots of LOVE,
* I will do another full health update once we have sorted through everything and receive all the information we need to process where I am right now. For now I can share that I have stopped the oral chemotherapy that I was on and am looking into all natural and western options available to us.