Learning to…..TRUST

Hello friends.  I wrote this post yesterday while driving through the Rocky Mountains.  I am oh so very excited to be spending the next 10 days surrounded by the beautiful mountains, trees and family.  10 days to sit in the mountains, clear my head and hopefully get some insight on some treatment decisions that I am struggling with.

Looking outside the window, I am amazed at the ability of Mother Nature.  I remember when these fires happened along Highway 93.  I was younger and my parents would take my brother, sister and I to Panorama on our annual summer holiday.  I have always thought the drive through this area was breathtaking and the trip out after the fires was no different.  Still breathtaking, our first drive through was a bit more dark and dreary.  With burnt mountainsides and no trees as far as you could see, you couldn’t help but feel sad and maybe a bit angry.

Today as I am driving, I see hope.  I see small trees, shrubs and flowers peeking through the ground brush that has grown up over the years.  The forest is repairing the damage caused by these fires and starting over.  Just like I am.

The last 6 weeks or so has been hard.  Hard physically, mentally and emotionally. Living for today has been difficult as I was not happy with today.  I have been feeling angry, alone and so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired all the time.  I was starting to not trust the process or my body to help me through this difficult journey.  NOT TODAY!

As I said before, NOT TODAY!  Today I feel hopeful.  Hopeful that healing, rebuilding and repairing my body is possible.  I am much smaller than these vast mountain sides.  I have not been completely destroyed by this disease as they were by these fires.  Mother nature is fascinating, powerful and healing.  She turns tragedy into something beautiful.  I will too.

I look forward to making this drive year after year with my family and teach Sawyer as my parents taught me.  I look forward to seeing this beautiful mountainside all re-grown over the next 20-30 years.  But most of all, I look forward to today.  I trust that I will be guided to the right decision for me and my body and I trust that I will allow myself to make the right decisions for me during this transition in my treatment plan.

Lots of LOVE,

Lyndsey Watt

*  I will do another full health update once we have sorted through everything and receive all the information we need to process where I am right now.  For now I can share that I have stopped the oral chemotherapy that I was on and am looking into all natural and western options available to us.  

May Cause Miracles Update #2

Learning to FORGIVE…..if you are new to my blog check out the May Cause Miracles project here

I have been having some energy treatments and Reiki done recently and both my throat chakra and my heart centre chakra have been cold.  I am told that this means the energy is not flowing through these chakras easily  and there may be some blocks to break through in order to get the energy moving.  It has sparked some pretty in depth conversations about the healing powers of energy work and how it could benefit my physical health by dealing with issues of forgiveness. This tied right into what I was currently working on in May Cause Miracles.

I have read a lot about radical remissions, where the survivor attributes their healing to different energy work and I am currently reading about the John of God who has healed many people through different spiritual practices.  This is a part of this journey that intrigues me and there is a lot to learn.  The importance of the mind-body connection becomes more and more apparent daily and the miracles that are occurring because I am paying attention to myself make it an exciting learning experience.

Miracles are natural.  When they do not occur, something has gone wrong.

Gabrielle Bernstein talking about "A Course in Miracles" in her "May Cause Miracles" book.

Over the past few months I have been really focusing on positive self talk and immediate forgiveness of myself for small setbacks or actions that are not in line with my current mindset.  I was given an exercise by my councillor to actively pay attention to my thoughts and if I was thinking something about myself that I would not say out loud to my best friend, then I needed to stop.  The mind is so powerful that your thoughts can be detrimental to your health.  Some recent examples of this would be: In the past I would have gotten really stressed out and maybe even quit this project because I am not on track with Gabrielle Bernstein in her book May Cause Miracles.  Heck, I should be almost done!  Instead, I am telling myself that it is okay to be doing it at my own pace because it is getting done and I am taking the necessary time needed for me and each lesson.  Not every day goes as planned, especially with a toddler lol.  Another example would be going out for ice cream with friends the other night and enjoying every last bite without feeling guilty even though I definitly should not be eating ice cream.

Since practicing immediate self forgiveness I have noticed less stress, less worrying about what others may think and overall more of a calm feeling.  I am more at peace with my decisions and I am enjoying the little things a bit more.  It is these little miracles that keep me motivated to continue on this journey.

What I have been struggling with while working through the last couple of weeks is forgiveness of events or actions of the past.  Both forgiving myself and forgiving others for these things is proving to be difficult.  TOO MUCH LIVING IN THE PAST!  I got stuck on Day 5 of “May Cause Miracles” for a long time as I didn’t know what to write in the letter to myself.  I didn’t know how to put into words what I wanted to forgive myself for.  It’s hard to put your raw, unfiltered feelings out there as it is not something we do everyday, or ever for some people.  Even though I knew no one would read it, I felt embarrassed.  Embarrassed for things that happened 5, 10, even 20 years ago!!  Once I finally sat down to write the letter, I had more to write than expected and it was a very freeing experience.  I would highly recommend trying it if you need a fresh start.

From this exercise I learnt or at least confirmed the following about myself:

  • I am WAY too hard on myself for decisions I have made in the past.  I now am working on forgiving myself and being thankful for these lessons as I would not be where I am today without having made these decisions.
  • I am creating unnecessary stress in my current life by worrying about what others think or about how others feel about me.
  • I am truly lucky to be where I am today because I have a great life 🙂
  • It is way too easy to get stuck in the past or worry about the future.  My biggest lesson so far from May Cause Miracles is to live for today.

Screen Shot 2015-06-22 at 4.05.20 PM

Who have you forgiven lately?  Or do you have any tools that you find help you let go of the past?

Lots of LOVE,

Lyndsey
xoxo

I am forever GRATEFUL for YOU…..


I have learnt what LOVE feels like from strangers & it’s 
magic.
Today will be a good day xo


Over the past few weeks friends, family and strangers have been donating their time, money and LOVE so we can actively pursue alternative treatments that are not covered by health care or benefits.

We are forever grateful.

It is an indescribable feeling to have so much LOVE poured over you.  Standing in a room like I was on June 5th, filled with people who are cheering for me inside was an experience like no other.  I felt a lot of hope, joy and positivity in that room, which made me grateful to be a part of something filled with that sort of energy.  Here is a short clip of the evening that was made by Tony.

 

A big thank you to my aunt Barb Richardson the guys at Classic Events Group for the event “Vibe in the Sky” and the Go Fund Me page that was created (PS – thanks Ryan for our UNI Chillwear, we love them!).  The event was fun and classic, with a view like no other.  THANK YOU!  A big thank you also to all the entertainment, you guys were amazing.

Paco Belero | Electric Jazz – Guitar, Vocals, Sax (Peter Fischer)
Denis Dufresne | Renowned Violinist & ACMA Board Member
Pete Wilde | DJ & Producer
Max Sindrome | DJ
Sammy Jean | Vocals & Keyboard
Kyle Rothbauer | Fiddle

I thought that along with my THANK YOU, I would give you a little overview of where the funds will go and what I am currently doing for treatments.

* IV Vitamin C, Artesunate and Mistletoe treatments (2x/week)
* B12 injections weekly
* Full Body Hyperthermia in Langly, BC (monthly to start)
* Supplements Recommended by my Integrative Oncologist in Calgary.  These are based on my diagnosis, blood-work and the genetic testing that I had completed recently (the list is long, 30+ pills daily!).
* Daily Juicing (30+ ounces a day from fresh organic green veggies)
* Travel to and from appointments in Calgary, Edmonton and Langly.
* Drugs and tests not covered under benefits.
* Yoga and Meditation work

People have also donated their time & services offering me energy healing, photography, prayer groups, Reiki treatments, and fitness classes.

I am currently doing all of the above combined with a low dose oral chemotherapy and bone medicine.  I have a great medical oncologist and integrative oncologist working with me.  My family and I are continuing to do research on other treatments available, should I need to adjust anything in the future.

I get asked a lot about trials, travelling out of country to Mexico or Germany, and about seeking opinions from one of the big cancer clinics in the US.  We have looked into all these options, so I thought I would share with you where we are at.  I have a Oncologist that we have visited at the Mayo Clinic, who still consults with us over the phone when needed.  She is excellent.  We have met with the University of Alberta regarding clinical trials and that door is open should we need it later on.  We have looked into clinics in both Mexico and Germany.  At this point in time, our integrative oncologist is utilizing alternative therapies that they do a lot of in these other countries (mistletoe, hyperthermia, high does Vitamin therapy, low dose chemotherapy etc.) and we are wanting to give them a good try before looking further with these clinics.

I have been in awe since the beginning of this journey on the generosity of people.  We have received meals, groceries, flowers, money, cards, hugs, prayers and visits from family, old friends, new friends and even strangers.  I often look at my stack of cards (yes I have kept every last one) and think about how lucky I am to have the support of so many.  How lucky my family is and how truly blessed we all are to have such a strong, thoughtful and loving support group.

Again, I can’t thank you all enough for your support, generosity and LOVE over the past year, month, week or day.  I get surprised by something daily and am forever grateful to all of you who bring that extra joy into our lives on a regular basis.

We LOVE you.

xoxo
Lyndsey

 

 

 

My Goal for this project “Learning to LOVE”

A conversation about life, love and learning to live…..

  • Just as the title says!  I want to learn to love all things in life.  Everything and everyone in it.
  • To help promote self healing by finding my voice and using it.
  • Possibly help someone else by sharing my story and my journey.
  • Stay on track and focused on my path (whatever it may look like).
  • Meet new people and have GREAT conversations!